


what stays and what fades away

by apricae



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Canon Compliant, Character Study, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Introspection, post-ROTS
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2020-06-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:55:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24895753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/apricae/pseuds/apricae
Summary: Two children are born. A mother and father die. Obi-Wan Kenobi remains.
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Leia Organa & Luke Skywalker, Padmé Amidala & Obi-Wan Kenobi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 29





	what stays and what fades away

**Author's Note:**

> for aly.

When the blaring alarms and the hurrying of the droids and the overwhelming chaos that comes with a hospital death finally quiets down, Obi-Wan is still holding the babies.

Padmé’s children-  _ Anakin’s _ children, but the latter thought hurts so much that he has to lock a howl of pain and failure deep into his chest, beat it down below his breastbone so hard it aches like a bruise against his lungs - he can’t wake the little ones. Tiny little ones wrapped in identical white blanket shrouds. Difficult to tell them apart without the Force.

In the sterile white room, back to the wall, keeping them close to the breast of his scorched tunic. Muscles burning. Heart burning. Anakin burning. Anakin burning writhing screaming  _ I HATE YOU- _

He blinks. Wet cheeks. Blurry view of tiny pink faces. Ash in his throat. Padmé’s beautiful newborn babies. They’ll wake up soon, hungry. He has nothing to give them, nothing at all. Nothing but grief and apology.

Obi-Wan gives a no doubt scruffy kiss to Luke’s tiny forehead. Luke - a wisp of golden hair, plump cheeks. The smallest hands he has ever seen. Something inside Obi-Wan broke when the medical droid handed him the boy, like the emptiness left behind after the last haunting notes of a song.

“I’m sorry,” he says to the baby who cannot understand him. Who will never be able to understand why he did what he did. Whose father he-

Luke is silent. Nearly asleep.

Leia - the girl, dark hair and no doubt her mother’s wise brown eyes - squirms. Obi-Wan gazes at her, beyond her, into the Force; A white gown. A voice that commands respect. She will make her mother proud. 

“I’m so sorry,” he whispers to her. “I tried my best. I can’t help you anymore.”

Failure is acid at his heart. Acid, eating away the battered remains of him; he cut away half his soul on the black volcanic shore.

He can’t say anymore, voice locked in his throat. There are no words. Nothing can describe how utterly he has failed these children.

He weeps.

—

He watches the boy fetch water from the vaporator, running careless under an empty sky. Gold hair. Sand on his clothes. 

Nine years old today.

He looks too much like his father. It’s like staring at a sun- Like standing at the event horizon of a black hole- Like being burned by a supernova. Too much, too much, too much. 

_ You were the chosen one! _

His own voice, cracking under the weight of betrayal and pain. Nowadays it cracks from lack of use. Ben Kenobi doesn’t talk much.

He only watches, carefully, as the boy hurries back towards his home - the only home he knows. The only family. Nine years, and not a word has passed between himself and Anakin’s son since that terrible night on Polis Massa.

A failure, again.

He withdraws further into shadow as Luke vanishes from view.

“I’m sorry.”


End file.
